apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
