What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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