he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
