I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
