She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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