ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
