a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
