she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
