I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
