I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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