My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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