I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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