I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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