yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I have post one night stand depression
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