Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
