im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
