I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
