im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
