Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
