Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
