you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I touched a dick in church today
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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