NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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