Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize