i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
