I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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