I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
