We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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