That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
