More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
