Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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