Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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