just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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