Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
