Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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