please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
