HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
