i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
