The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
