just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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