I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Randomize