with your own penis?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
