I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize