Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
