you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
