Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
