As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
