we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
