just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
