i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
