How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
