Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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