don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
