if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my being single is dangerous.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
