I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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