i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Girls should come with a carfax report
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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