I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Help. Why am I so naked?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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