Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
