i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
