I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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