seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
