Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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