I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
